So this week I've been sick. The kids and I have all had the sore throats, coughs, ear infections and sinus infections… I know I would tell you quite often how much I appreciated you; I’m sure not nearly enough now that I think about it… I appreciate when I would come home from work and you had picked the kids up from various locations, had a great dinner cooking, helping our two oldest with homework and have the washing machine going. This was not an isolated event, this was an everyday occurrence. I miss that you would know when I would be struggling at work and I would go to get in my truck and there would be a package of chocolate cinnamon bears on the seat with a sweet note about how much you love me. I miss the days you would pick me up from work and you would want to go sit by the creek in the park and eat pizza, let the kids play as long as they wanted. I miss that you would know when I was going to have my period before I was going to and make sure that I was prepared. I miss the kind words, the beautiful face that would tell me that you “understand and support” me in the difficult decisions. I appreciate you dealing with my crazy, irrational family, let me tell you- they are still crazy and irrational. I miss the man that would pack the kids and I up in the truck and take us on some adventure, making sure we were having fun, seeing new things, eating chocolate Twizzlers, happy to be together. You made my life fun and whole, since the beginning of us.
It isn't the same without you. I will say, that if up in Heaven I was told that I would meet this amazing man, we would date all through college and then be married for twelve years BUT he would have to return to Heaven when he was 38 and I would be devastated- I wouldn't change anything. I would do it all over again and be grateful. Sometimes I turn onto our street and hope I see your truck in the driveway, and then I remember… it is real. My heart is broken, my world upside down and love for life lost, but I would choose it all over again.
I’m grateful for you, you always said I made you a better man, turned the snowboard bum into a college graduate, a father, a man of integrity- but it was the other way around, you made me a better person, a better mom, a better wife and friend. I hope you hear me as I tell you this on a daily basis as I drive to work, lay in bed…I miss you so much. I will do my best to teach the kids your amazing skills at being an amazing person, considerate, giving, kind, patient, loving and fun. I’m taking care of the sick kids, the sick me and thinking of all the times you took care of us when we were sick. I’m wishing I had told you more how amazing you are, how much I appreciate you.